


At A Glance

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-15
Updated: 2007-02-15
Packaged: 2019-01-19 22:47:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12419871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: You tell him the baby’s name is Harry and he’s going to grow up in a world where the good guys might not be good enough and it breaks your heart.





	At A Glance

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

He says he loves you. He means it.

He doesn’t care if you’re not ready to say it back; he seems to think one day you’ll believe in him. 

He brings you food from the Great Hall when you’re too tired or sick or busy to get your meals, and he leaves flowers and chocolates for you to find, though sometimes you fail to do so until after they’ve lost their beauty and freshness, respectively. 

He makes you laugh. Above all characteristics, you cherish this one the most. 

He could live without you. He wouldn’t be very happy, but he could do it. He doesn’t believe that he could, but you know deep down that you are the one who would wilt were the two of you ever to be separated. 

He would not be the same person without the constant support and loyalty he finds in Sirius, Remus, and Peter, and you accept them into your life as completely as you do James. It was never a discussion and it was never even a decision on your part. You are fond of these three, anyway, and grateful for the role they played in molding James into who he is today. 

You wish every day for the kind of friends that James has and when you find yourself lacking, you burrow yourself deeper into his life.

He makes you wonder about soul mates and love and fate. You don’t think you believe in all of that, but you also admit that it can’t be such a miraculous coincidence that no boy besides James Potter can make your pulse quicken or your breath catch. It isn’t possible for you to sense what he’s thinking or detect when he has his eyes on you, but you do, anyway. 

He has a startling ability to conjure up goose bumps on your skin at the faintest of touches, while you feel as if you do not affect him in the slightest. You are wrong. You’ll realize it. 

He disappears for hours at a time and while you do not attempt to search for him, you wonder where he goes and what he does. He returns with a grin that makes you worry he’ll cross the wrong line one day. 

He’s figured out how to bypass the tricky stairs leading to the dormitory from which he’s banned. His entrance is always a quiet one. Sometimes you’re sleeping, sometimes you’re thinking, sometimes you’re waiting. Most of the time, you don’t know he’s there until his arms are sliding around you and he’s whispering his signature after hours greeting in your ear. “Thanks, Godric.”

He talks of marrying you and it makes you squirm away, your eyes lowered. He lets you go, hurting, but does not protest when you curl up next to him again once the subject’s changed. 

He boasts about you when you are not around and it makes you smile. 

He triumphs at Quidditch and is everyone’s hero after each game, but he does not crack a smile until his eyes find yours in the stadium. He does not settle down at the after parties until you pick your way through the crowd to come up beside him and his hand finds yours, his eyes and words claimed by adoring Gryffindors, but his attention always, always on you. 

He’s smarter than you are, but he doesn’t work very hard and it frustrates you. There are days when you try to work hard enough for the both of you and you exhaust yourself, falling asleep on the couch until he carries you to his bed. 

He’s clumsy, because he’s tall and he doesn’t seem to always know what to do with those long limbs of his. He trips constantly, seemingly unable to execute the sort of grace that he can on a broomstick, and you don’t complain when he lets your lips break his fall, thinking to yourself that he must do it on purpose sometimes. He does.

He tells you, and everyone within hearing distance, that you love him. You roll your eyes and shake your head, annoyed. A moment’s thought always tells you he’s right, but it scares you, both the feelings and the way he knows you. 

You break up with him and walk around looking lost for a few days. You watch him, note the lack of spark in his eyes. He’s still James, most people don’t notice the difference, but you do, and so do his close friends. You observe him swishing his food around his plate and staring off into space. It breaks your heart and you cry into your pillow every night. You need him, but you don’t want to need him, don’t want to need anyone, and you’d rather let it kill you both than admit the truth. 

Remus remarks that he can’t remember the last time he’s seen you smile and you snap his head off. You’re angry because you know you haven’t smiled since the break up, more evidence of what you refuse to allow to rise to the surface. 

He doesn’t try to talk to you. He sulks. You watch as girls begin hanging around him and you grow jealous. He doesn’t talk much to them either, and he rarely spares them a glance. You miss each other, but you’re too stubborn and he’s too heartbroken. The Marauders run back and forth, making secret plans, trying to fix your relationship, but nothing works. All of you worry about James, but what you don’t realize is they’re all worried about you, too.

He stumbles upon you crying and bypasses the awkwardness, he can’t help it. He comes over, puts his arms around you, and holds you. Maybe, that’s just all you needed all along. You hate the way you feel at home in his embrace, but at the same time, you love it. He brushes away your tears and your faces are very, very close and you end up kissing, arms and legs tangled, hair everywhere. You whisper three words as his lips travel down your neck and he pauses, a silence stretching on and on and on. 

He says he knows, but he’s been waiting for you to know, too. You swear you know now, and you do. You both get your smiles back and it’s like the castle breathes a huge sigh of relief, seemingly having been a quiet, dismal place during the fight. Or at least, that’s how the two of you saw it. You’ve always been in your own little world together. 

He will never cease to do things that surprise you and he proposes very quietly on a bench in London when from James Potter, you would have expected fireworks and blimps and celebrity guests. 

It’s a moment your thoughts always come back to, for you think it was honestly the happiest moment you had ever experienced, the moment in which you realized that spending the rest of your life with James was now a reality, not simply a dream or a passing comment he made that you couldn’t take seriously. You realize he meant every single one of those comments and that he’s been planning this married life of yours for years, whereas you’ve been waiting for him to realize he can do so much better.

You wear that ring proudly and you introduce him eagerly as your fiancée. 

You get cold feet and try to run out on the wedding, only to find yourself throwing protocol out the window and sprinting like hell down the aisle into his arms. You realize there’s nowhere you can go if he isn’t there. 

He leaves little notes and treats around the house where he knows you’ll find them, tiny surprises that brighten up your day. 

He works in the Ministry, in a branch that helps find, but not fight, Dark Wizards. There are days where you retreat upstairs before he’s home, but you find you can’t sleep in an empty bed, so most of the time you have food waiting on the table for him, or you’ve dozed off on the couch only to jerk awake when he Apparates inside. 

Sirius and Remus and Peter are around the house quite often, releasing their warm hearts and laughter within the thick walls. You’re grateful for their friendship, grateful that you and James have such a wonderful support system.

You like Sundays, because James doesn’t work, and you lay in bed all day, just talking and thinking and pressing your cheek against his chest and breathing him in. 

You fall asleep in his arms on one particular Sunday and when you wake up, he’s brushing the tears off your cheeks with his thumbs, his eyes concerned and loving. He doesn’t ask, just holds, and eventually you tell him, haltingly, that you’re pregnant.

You tell him the baby’s name is Harry and he’s going to grow up in a world where the good guys might not be good enough and it breaks your heart. 

He tells you it breaks his heart, too. There’s a moment where you take a long, shuddering breath, torn between sobbing your sorrows out and putting on a brave face. 

He tells you that you’ll fight. The two of you will fight for the world you want, the world Harry deserves. 

He plants kisses all over your face and tears are streaming from his eyes, but he’s smiling and he’s glowing and he’s going to be a father and you’re going to be a mother. This isn’t the right world for a celebration with balloons and streamers and presents, but for the moment there’s enough joy in the room to produce history’s strongest Patronus. 

You didn’t think you knew how to love anyone but James, didn’t think you had the ability, but then there’s Harry and he’s perfect and he has your eyes but he’s a tiny, tiny James and you know the world isn’t ready for him anymore than it was ready for the Marauders. 

Still, you don’t really get the chance to be a mother. You stop Sirius from taking him on that crazy motorcycle and James from flying off on his broomstick with him and you develop that watchful maternal eye, but it’s too short a time. 

You knew you’d die for James, in fact you had privately predicted it would happen. 

On a cold and desperate night, though, he buys you time and you give your life for Harry. 

You think if he’s half James and half you, he’s got a better chance than the two of you did.

Harry will get that better world. You know he will.

 


End file.
